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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26891713">Dear Diary...</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/eranaeliza_01/pseuds/eranaeliza_01'>eranaeliza_01</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Divergent (Movies), Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Divergent Fusion, Divergent, F/F, F/M, Guild Wars: Factions, Multi, Other, anoc, bye, dunnowhatiamdoing, thisisit, thiswasfunandforpersonalenjoymentbecauseiknownonewillreadthislol, vernoicaroth</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:50:01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,132</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26891713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/eranaeliza_01/pseuds/eranaeliza_01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>An Amity girl's diary entries as she chooses to join Dauntless, for one reason only.</p><p> From the world of Divergent by Veronica Roth.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dear Diary...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>yep, this is it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dear diary, that I found and am so stressed I am actually writing in, It shouldn't be hard to choose a faction, I shouldn't even have to choose. Growing up in Amity was fine, really, but I just cannot see myself staying there my whole life for a few different reasons too. The first being, I am in love with a girl which wouldn't be such a big problem if I wasn't a girl myself, leaving would extinguish those feelings. I hope. The second, my family. My Mother, and reason for life, died a year ago and since then everything I used to find so magical has turned ever so...bleak. The third and final reason I want to leave Amity is that I am not kind, or caring, or loving, or friendly, or approachable, or tolerable. I get mad and I snap easily and I have enemies, lots actually. Yet, no other faction seems right for me either. I’m not smart, or honest, not selfless and definitely not brave. So, no matter what I chose I am already doomed. I will write after my test...</p><p> </p><p> Dear diary, I am factionless. My test went terrible, the lady doing my test said that all my actions couldn’t determine anything, she even mentioned a thing called divergent where you are all the factions, but I am none. Again, whatever I choose I am doomed, which is why I think I’ll choose dauntless. It's the factions I’d least like to be in, after Amity, for these reasons: I am the most cowardly person you will ever meet. That's pretty self explanatory right? As a kid I never climbed trees with the others, or rode on handmade skateboards or pierced my ears or picked up spiders in my hands or jumped down as many stairs as I could. My mother always told me that the greatest fear is fear itself, never let it control you. I guess I don't often think of my Mother. I wonder, often, was she Amity born? After all my dwelling, however, I do have a reason to be in dauntless. I have nothing to lose and that makes someone fearless. Right? I really hope so because I am about to blow my Dad's mind at the choosing ceremony. As if he would care in the first place…</p><p> </p><p>Dear diary, I am almost officially dauntless. You have to train and make the top ten to really be dauntless, which is crazy, but what's crazier is that I almost want to fail, now are you understanding what a pussy I am? I guess my wit makes up for my cowardice. To get to dauntless we had to jump onto a moving train, jump onto a seven-storey building from the train and jump into a giant hole in the building. I did it, which is surprising. I mainly kept my hands in tight fists, nails digging into my skin painfully, reminding me why I am doing this. Why? Because surely the thrill and fear of being in dauntless is better than bleak, boring Amity. Being in Amity where the bad memories of my Mother lie is far more painful than any graze, bruise or break. I just need to learn to enjoy and ride from my thrill and fear, which I have a lot of. Far more than anyone else I know. Is that what really makes me strong perhaps? I hope so because I am dreading what faces me tomorrow morning. </p><p> </p><p>Dear diary, I am unsurprisingly, bottom of my class. Well, second bottom after this chick called Tris. Not that it matters though because I am doomed either way, hip hip hurray! I haven't updated this ratty diary for at least a week(dauntless holds a tight schedule) and in that time I have realised my being in ‘love’ with a girl in Amity was puppy compared to what I feel towards a girl I have met here. The burning fire in my chest, fingertips and heels outweighs the hot coals that used to sit in my stomach. Her name is Gail, or Abigail, and she offered to help me train. She has really pulled through too because I can feel myself improving, it doesn't matter though because everyone is still so much better than me. However, not only has being with Gail been fun, but she has given me drive. A want to be in dauntless, so I can be with her. I think she isn't repulsed by the idea of me? She laughs at my jokes and strokes my forearms, who knew the buzz that could give someone. A few nights ago, we had a sleepover and slept limbs entangled on her skinny metal bed. I wouldn't class that as platonic at all. Though, I am too cowardly to confront Gail with how I feel, now I have something to lose after all. I mustn't let her distract me, because I will be dauntless. </p><p> </p><p>Dear diary, I am third in my class. I have passed Gail. I would be happy (and most definitely cocky) about this, but she has miraculously slipped down to twelfth. She's been bedridden for days and if she doesn't get up soon she won't make the cut for dauntless. I haven't been this scared since my Mother started to get sick. If she doesn't make dauntless, whatever is the point in me making it? I didn't have a purpose before Gail, but now that I have, I will not let it fall like sand through my fingers. I will find a way for the two of us to live happily in dauntless whatever it takes…</p><p> </p><p>Dear diary, this will be my last entry. I’m sorry, I only wrote in here on several occasions, how pathetic, but it's not for laziness or anything. It's because Gail and I are on the run and I don't want to leave any clues for those trying to find us. She didn't cut for dauntless, so I scooped her up, stole some equipment and ran. And ran. And ran. We escaped somehow and it was probably the bravest thing I’ve ever done. I don't want to tell you where I am now, or where I am going but I feel so much happier than I should having run from everything I’ve ever known and defied the whole government. Gail loves me and it makes me so very happy to be alive. Her love is like owning the whole world and more, it's all I need. If I die running with my love, so be it, because I am far happier than I ever would have been if I’d stayed in Amity. I can't bare to imagine any different outcome. This is my reality and it's pretty great. Be brave, reader, be brave.</p>
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